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By Five-two
Post by Contributing Writer, Rachael
“At Christmas play and make good cheer,
For Christmas comes but once a year.”
-T. Tusser
As I look at my calendar and all the social events this holiday season brings, I see multiple cookie exchanges, grab bag gift parties and charitable events that I or my family could attend. Part of me wants to attend every single one and part of me wants to snuggle up by the tree with my kids and never leave the house.
You see, almost every social event for the month has a cost associated with it. It might be the $6 holiday crafting event or the cookie exchange that requires 6 dozen cookies. Although there are many free seasonal events (crafts at the library, festival of lights around a neighborhood and community Christmas caroling), I find myself trying to figure out where my family and I should spend our time and money.
I, like the 16th Century poet above, have the tendency to do it all during the holiday season. Christmas only comes once a year so let’s participate in everything! The problem with this philosophy is that it does not reflect my core values when it comes to how I spend my time or money, it does not take the heart of our family’s chosen frugality into consideration.
Every day is a new day and unique unto itself. However, if I get into the financial mindset of “I will just spend money on this item/event/person because it is a unique day” than all is lost. I will be able to rationalize every day as being unique and my spending will become anything but frugal!
Instead, I need to remember the core value of Contentment. Each day brings its own unique perspective. If I truly value contentment I will be content with the things I have, the activities I am already committed to and the food already on my table.
by chadmagiera
Maybe a $6 crafting event or ingredients for several dozen cookies don’t have a huge upfront cost but what if I added up all these “small” expenditures? Is the couple hundred dollars I could potentially spend this month being spent wisely?
Instead, I need to remember the core value of Long Term Worth. For the cost to make 6 dozen Christmas cookies I could sponsor a child through Compassion International. If I truly value long term investments in others, I need to make sure that my spending stays under control this month so I can continue to give beyond this one season.
During the holiday season we seem to get over-scheduled. Acquaintances from around town that we don’t often see have various parties and events that we are invited to. It always feels great to receive such invitations and stretching the kids’ bedtime out a half hour doesn’t seem like a huge deal. But what about the people whom I’ve spent the rest of the year with? Those that have prayed with me, encouraged me and loved me?
Instead, I need to remember the core value of Family and Friendship. First, my family deserves their sanity this season! We value our time in a certain way so that we can have time together and give time to others. When we begin to hoard our time for just ourselves, we have to take time away from others.
These others may be those we volunteer for or those that are truly our dear friends who have walked with us through the good and bad. Sacrificing time and true community with our immediate family and friends is not worth temporary enjoyment with those people we are not close with.
by jeffweese
The reason that my family celebrates Christmas is to remember and rejoice that we have a Savior who came to this world. Every time I stress about this event, that gift or adding one more activity into my child’s day I am truly forgetting the reason for the season.
Instead, I need to remember the core value of Daily Worship. “Rejoice in the Lord Always: again I will say, Rejoice” (Philippians 4:4). I need to remember, just like I remind my children, that every day is a day to praise the Lord. This does not start or stop at Christmas.
I want you to know that I am not suggesting you turn down every invitation, every event or every seasonal sensation. There are people who need and deserve our time, events we can both enjoy and contribute to, and invitations we accept that could renew and encourage.
What I am suggesting is that you choose wisely. Look at both your financial budget and time budget and decide how much you can spend. Take a moment before it gets away from you to revisit your values and why the frugal life is part of your every day.
Above all, rejoice in the miracle of this season, for it does only come once a year!
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year
*****
Rachael shares financial tips from her kitchen table surrounded by her growing belly, two active toddlers and her husband. God has called her from corporate life into His grace as an at-home wife! She shares about her passion for motherhood and life at To Be a Mom…
If you have a financial question or topic you would like us to discuss, leave a comment or send us an email!
Choosing Wisely: A Holiday Tale is a post from: Frugal Granola
A reader asked: How much time during the week do you allow for time away from home and/or open your home for things like playdates/hospitality towards other moms. Our church is strong on community and “living life together” and living missionally (which I am totally on board and excited about). However, lately, it feels like we are away from home more mornings than we are home. Those times usually end up with kids in one room playing and moms in another chatting/venting/hopefully encouraging one another. I want my kids to learn the importance of community, but I fear this is encouraging peer-orientation and taking away from my discipleship of my kids. I know I am to be “busy at home” and it just feels like playdates are a good excuse to ignore these duties. Any thoughts/guidelines you use?
If there is one lesson I have learned since the arrival of my third child is that the easiest way to avoid stress and outbursts of anger at my children is to simply stay home. When you consider the work necessary to get four people (including myself) fed, clothed, diapers changed, potty visited, shoes tied, and coats buttoned, I am rather worn out.
Could our time be better invested by simply staying home?
There is true joy to be found in simply being at home. We do experience a lot pressure in our culture to get out and do things in order to supposedly stay sane. It could be a pull to many good things, like much needed fellowship with other woman. Don’t get me wrong. I believe it is very important to be in fellowship with other believers (Hebrews 13:3). But you don’t have to go to the latest play group or gym class for your child to develop socially. You don’t have to go to every storytime or sing-along for your child to love books and be exposed to the wonders of music. You don’t have to go to every moms group to stay connected in community with others. “Ballet classes for 3 year olds are glorified playgrounds,” as one friend so aptly put it. You can do it right from your own living room. There is a balance that we must come through by prayer and seeking the counsel of our husbands.
When it comes to our family, we follow one basic weekly guideline we shoot for – one morning/afternoon outing per week. There may be an occasional reason requiring us to go out again, but this is the most common plan. This might be a playdate with another family, a field trip to our local children’s museum, or storytime at the local library. We believe strongly in the importance of community, so we host a small group within our home on a weekly basis where we share and live life together and challenge on another in missional living. The girls in our small group get together on a monthly basis over coffee or have a night in the hot tub for focused fellowship. We also participate in a monthly Bible study together digging into a book of the Bible. We love it! These things are manageable.
As far as hospitality goes, we usually open our home 1-2 times per month for general hospitality to families in our church or neighboring community. We have the freedom also to call one another as needed. I try to restrict phone calls to nap times so as not to detract me from my kiddos. But this can be an easy way to connect with others, to share needs, encourage one another, and pray without even leaving my home.
I’ve found that if I try to pack up multiple times per week and go somewhere with my kids, my homemaking certainly does suffer. My children ultimately suffer too. They love routine, regular nap periods, reading time together, and such. When we are constantly on the go, they are far more inclined to get grumpy and very needy. They lack Mommy’s focused attention. It’s nearly impossible to work on heart training when you are out and about as well. For the peace and growth of our family we need to be at home together.
There have been multiple times where I sat nursing my baby, untying a knotted shoe, and searching for directions to our destination all at the same time, while reminding one child (for the third time, I dare say) to find his coat, and the other to go to the bathroom. Getting three little kids that are rather helpless out the door is a lengthy and stressful process. I am helplessly impatient with my children as the moments tick by.
Mommy is certainly less stressed, children are more happy, and our household is better maintained when this Mommy slows down and finds delight in creatively using her time at home. If I am feeling lonely or experiencing self-pity about staying home, it is a reminder to stop and check my heart. Where am I seeking to find my fulfillment? Am I looking for my help in others first before my sweet Lord? Why not befriend a book, or the Book of all Books. I want to make sure my heart is still first and foremost towards my first mission – honoring the Lord in our family and home. Beautifying this place. Cultivating domestic serenity here and now.
We are learning valuable life skills and teamwork from our own home today as we work together cutting apples for the dehydrator, unloading the dishwasher, reading stories, memorizing poetry and verses, shaping letters, running around playing hide and seek, and taking a daily pause to rest. This is beautiful when you learn to see the art before your eyes. Time is too precious to waste too much of it running here and there.
I pray you would be blessed to be able to slow down and see the treasure of staying home and delighting in that.
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Last week, we turned our house upside down. Almost literally.
In a matter of one morning, we uprooted everything in our family room (which housed all of our children's toys, DVDs, some books and random other things), our entire downstairs storage (boxes upon boxes, whose contents we had long forgotten), and our "messy" room (an office-like room that was a catch-all for things without a proper home). A week or two earlier, I had also dramatically cleared out our family closet, main bathroom, and kitchen in similar fashion, inspired by Organized Simplicity.
Next, we purged. And we were brutal. Didn't love it? Gone. Couldn't remember the last time we used it? Gone. Somewhat broken and not particularly important to us? Gone. None of the children were especially attached to it or used it regularly? Gone.
It felt like half of what we owned, though I'm sure it wasn't close.
We left the bulk of the furniture alone, that wasn't the issue. It was all the other stuff.
When did we get so much stuff? Did we even know all the stuff that we had? If we took this box or that box from storage, would we even miss any of it?
I wish I had taken pictures to show you (but I was actually ended up sick with the flu during much of the process- my husband is truly amazing to have finished it himself!). We filled our entire minivan almost 1 1/2 times with things to bring to the thrift store and the dump. We don't think we're done, either. There are a few rooms that need some more attention yet.
Not to mention that once we started, it became so freeing to purge that we almost don't want to stop.
Since everything vacated the premises 48 hours ago, we can't stop commenting on how peaceful the house feels. We've lived here for almost a year and a half, but only just this weekend it began to feel like our home, instead of just a place where we live and keep our stuff.
One of the best parts of it all? Our family/play room had been driving me batty since we moved in. I had such a hard time encouraging the children to keep it tidied and I often cleaned it myself after they went to bed, out of sheer frustration. It overflowed into our dining room and kitchen and toys were often scattered all over the house. It was discouraging to say the least.
Our solution for the toys? We moved the large oak shelves that held all of the children's bins and baskets of toys down to our basement storage area (where they are not allowed to play or go without permission). We got rid of the large toy box that held all of the odds and ends and contributed much to the mess.
All that we kept upstairs was their wooden play kitchen (empty), a wooden stroller/cart, a few stuffed animals, and our son's train table (in his bedroom). We put everything back into organized containers and baskets, downsized due to the purging. And we put them all downstairs on the shelves, out of site.
Several instantaneous results of doing this:
As we drove home from a family dinner last night, my husband commented to me that even though he hadn't felt that we had a lot of stuff (and compared to many North American families, we probably didn't), he didn't realized that it had owned us in many regards.
Stuff is funny like that. When you have it, you have to store it, care for it, use it (or tell yourself that you'll use it at some point), clean it, carry the weight of it. There is a mental, physical and emotional price to the things that we own.
For us, it feels good to be back in control, owning our stuff, instead of continuing to let it own us.
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This is a guest post by Crystal of Intentional Homemaker
Fear of Failure. It’s something I wrestle with every day as a mom.
Let me share something with you that taught me a valuable lesson. As I was first getting to know one of my good friends, I was certain she was a mom who had it all together. As a mom of two children less than one year apart, I had a lot of fear about being a mom and all that entailed.
My friend always spoke calmly, gently, and quietly, with the just right amount of firmness when correcting and disciplining.
She planned creative and fun activities and outings.
She was respectful and submissive to her husband.
She had a beautiful home that always seemed neat and tidy.
She attended Bible study and practiced hospitality.
As our friendship grew and developed, and we shared more of our lives with each other, it became very clear that NO MOM HAS IT ALL TOGETHER, appearances or not.
At that moment, I realized that I had fallen into the trap of measuring my success as a mom against other moms.
My amazing friend is a beautiful example to me of godly motherhood. But, is she perfect? No? Am I a perfect mom? No.
And, what’s more, we never can be.
Too many times I confuse pursuing excellence with striving for perfection. And, that causes trouble, not just for me, but also for my family, too. Excellent is defined as “very good of its kind,” described by words like beautiful, fine, top-notch. I didn’t find one place that defined being excellent as being perfect. Perfect is defined as “being entirely without fault or defect.” It’s unattainable, impossible to reach.
So how do I pursue excellence in motherhood without getting caught up in trying to achieve perfection?
I need to find my identity in Jesus Christ, not in the successes or failures of someone else. While Jesus was perfect, and I never will be, I can pursue excellence by following His example. Proverbs 31, Titus 2, and Ephesians 5 are just a few chapters directed toward women and their roles.
While I shouldn’t use other moms as my standard, I do need them. It’s so helpful to surround myself with other moms who share my faith and views on parenting. These women challenge me, hold me accountable, encourage me, and understand me.
So many times I get so discouraged because I feel so guilty about all that I’m not doing. While I need to examine myself for issues like selfishness or laziness, I need to remember that my view of motherhood needs to correspond with God’s. I need to do my best, but does that mean setting unrealistic expectations and goals? Does my house need to be spotless and my children fluent in six languages by age 5? No.
I have to remember that I am only one person. I can’t “do it all.” So, I have to set reasonable goals for myself as a mom. That may mean sitting down with my husband every so often and talking about what we want for our family, perhaps coming up with a vision or mission statement based on Biblical truths. These types of tools help me stay focused and avoid unnecessary guilt and impossible expectations.
Ultimately, I cannot change our children’s hearts. I cannot change my husband’s or anyone else’s heart. Only God can do that, and that is between each person and God. It is my responsibility as a mom to instruct our children in Biblical truth, follow Jesus’ example as closely as I can, and then trust God to do what He says in the lives of our children.
Stacy’s note: I really appreciate this honest post from Crystal. I know this is a constant battle for many of us. I’d love to hear what you have to say:
Crystal is married to Jarvis and is a stay-at-home mama to four young children. She blogs at Intentional Homemaker where she encourages moms to grow as godly women and to be conscious homemakers.
(Top image from morgue file)
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